Identity Crisis

identity - noun
     1. the fact of being who or what a person or thing is (emphasis mine)
     2. a close similarity or affinity

Identity has become a big part of my journey.  It's such a strange thing because one day you're grounded and the next day you don't know who you are. Or is that just me?

I remember when I graduated college I felt completely lost. One day I was in school and the next I just wasn't. The very thing I had hoped and dreamed of had finally arrived and with it a lackluster finale of 'what am I doing with my life?!' ensued.

For years my identity had been wrapped around this whole student thing. I didn't have to decide anything because it was already decided for me. What do I do with my life now? Go to school. What do I do with my life . . . now? Go to school. In fact, did you even think those 'what now?' thoughts? I sure didn't . . . it was just the plan. (Thanks, 'Merica.)

And being a student gives you a lot of permission. Permission to . . . dream, wear sweatpants everyday, mess up, not have it all figured out. Being a student gives you permission to dream, keep dreaming, change your career path, eat Ramen everyday, and to pull all nighters. Being a student gives you permission to believe you can actually change the world. 

And then all of a sudden I just wasn't. So harsh! Like everything I once knew to be is just snatched right out from under me. And so instead of everything I am, I am suddenly aware of everything I'm not.

It's like I could only begin to understand my identity when it no longer was.


1 comment:

  1. hmmmmm. I remember not being a student, but I wish I had taken the time to really GET that I was no longer a student. Maybe that was my misery of the first six months of being a supposed grown up? Anyway - delightful to read you via #31days. I am busily writing my own series and am amazed, actually, I have been able to keep up. I'm trying to visit as many people as possible as well as revisit as much as possible. You may find me at #148 of Personal Endeavors - as I will continue seeing as your journey unfolds here on your blog. Happy Tuesday!